I had a newspaper thrust in my general direction as the words, "Look at that! Look at his face up close and tell me if you still feel the same..." snapped from Dustin's mouth. The Press Democrat printed the photo of fallen Marine, Lcpl Joshua Bernard, whom I have written about previously. The picture was published along with a story that summarized a letter Lcpl Bernard's father wrote to Secretary of Defense, Robert Gates. The letter basically rails at our government for taking into consideration the lives and homes of civilians in Iraq and Afghanistan who are caught in the crossfires of these wars. My take on the letter is that Mr. Bernard is of the opinion that more of our men are dying because our military is not allowed to blow every village and town they come across to smithereens. He may be right. But really, in war, who is right? What is right?
I have been approached by quite a few people, now that school has started and we are no where to be found in all the usual places, who have stories to tell me of where we have moved and what we are up to. Apparently Adam has moved to Hawaii, Dustin and I have split up and/or we have all moved to Germany? This is a small town, word travels fast, but the folks around here must be using a cell phone while driving through a tunnel, forget the regular old telephone. Once I explain that no, I have not sent my child off to live in Hawaii all by himself (though these days he might find that preferable to being around these parts) and yes, Dustin and I by some miracle are still married and that it is true, we could quite possibly all be moving on to Germany early next year, the questions begin to flood. Some people just want to know what's happening in the world of Madrid. When I give the spiel about Dustin reentering the military and how we don't know where we're headed and how we really only have a very vague idea of when we're leaving, most people nod and say good luck. But there are others, the ones who question why in the world a husband and father would leave his family to go and fight in a war that frankly makes no sense. The ones who wonder how his statement of trying to do a small bit of good in a bad situation makes any sense at all when he will be over destroying another human's life and home. The ones who wonder at his ability to leave knowing fully well he may never come home. The ones who speak my mind and feel my confusion.
I have been supportive of my husband's decision to go back to what he's been missing for nearly a decade, but in a time where there are American citizens writing letters claiming we are, in essence, coddling the "enemy"... I find it difficult to muster the support required when people ask very legitimate questions. Truth be told, the idea of majorly disrupting another country's way of life for collective one-sided gain, does not sit well with me. I cannot stomach the idea of children and woman and men being terrorized in their own homes and villages. Look in a mirror. What you see is the same thing they see. A person, a human being with feelings and loved ones and ambitions and fears and a whole life ahead of them... unless we start listening to the war mongers and allow our men to bomb and blast and bulldoze through villages indiscriminately. If we do that, then quite a few innocent people, people no different from you and I, will have their lives cut short.
On this day of football and community festival, of being out and around the people who only know a fraction of what my life is becoming, I am weary of trying to explain Dustin's motivation. I do not get it. There. Now I've said it. That does not mean I support his decision any less, it just means I am my own person and I do not understand why anyone, least of all my husband, would put themselves willingly into a life-altering, potentially life-ending situation such as this. I have children to take care of whether their father is present or not. I have a life to live whether my husband does or not. I have to be strong when really sometimes I feel very weak. I have to hold my head up and be the anchor in this family no matter what seas we travel and what storms we endure. I do not willingly send the father of my children out to kill or be killed, he does that himself.
And just for the record, I DO still feel the same about the release of the photo of Joshua Bernard.
I have been approached by quite a few people, now that school has started and we are no where to be found in all the usual places, who have stories to tell me of where we have moved and what we are up to. Apparently Adam has moved to Hawaii, Dustin and I have split up and/or we have all moved to Germany? This is a small town, word travels fast, but the folks around here must be using a cell phone while driving through a tunnel, forget the regular old telephone. Once I explain that no, I have not sent my child off to live in Hawaii all by himself (though these days he might find that preferable to being around these parts) and yes, Dustin and I by some miracle are still married and that it is true, we could quite possibly all be moving on to Germany early next year, the questions begin to flood. Some people just want to know what's happening in the world of Madrid. When I give the spiel about Dustin reentering the military and how we don't know where we're headed and how we really only have a very vague idea of when we're leaving, most people nod and say good luck. But there are others, the ones who question why in the world a husband and father would leave his family to go and fight in a war that frankly makes no sense. The ones who wonder how his statement of trying to do a small bit of good in a bad situation makes any sense at all when he will be over destroying another human's life and home. The ones who wonder at his ability to leave knowing fully well he may never come home. The ones who speak my mind and feel my confusion.
I have been supportive of my husband's decision to go back to what he's been missing for nearly a decade, but in a time where there are American citizens writing letters claiming we are, in essence, coddling the "enemy"... I find it difficult to muster the support required when people ask very legitimate questions. Truth be told, the idea of majorly disrupting another country's way of life for collective one-sided gain, does not sit well with me. I cannot stomach the idea of children and woman and men being terrorized in their own homes and villages. Look in a mirror. What you see is the same thing they see. A person, a human being with feelings and loved ones and ambitions and fears and a whole life ahead of them... unless we start listening to the war mongers and allow our men to bomb and blast and bulldoze through villages indiscriminately. If we do that, then quite a few innocent people, people no different from you and I, will have their lives cut short.
On this day of football and community festival, of being out and around the people who only know a fraction of what my life is becoming, I am weary of trying to explain Dustin's motivation. I do not get it. There. Now I've said it. That does not mean I support his decision any less, it just means I am my own person and I do not understand why anyone, least of all my husband, would put themselves willingly into a life-altering, potentially life-ending situation such as this. I have children to take care of whether their father is present or not. I have a life to live whether my husband does or not. I have to be strong when really sometimes I feel very weak. I have to hold my head up and be the anchor in this family no matter what seas we travel and what storms we endure. I do not willingly send the father of my children out to kill or be killed, he does that himself.
And just for the record, I DO still feel the same about the release of the photo of Joshua Bernard.
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