learning to drive. again.

I'm convinced my computer caught the flu. People everywhere are sick, Avery and Taluelah were unfortunate enough to catch it, apparently cats aren't immune, so why not computers too? Okay, maybe it wasn't really H1N1, but my poor computer has been under attack and I have been cleaning up a massive mess over the last week or so. Thankfully, I keep a computer geek close and between his expertise, desire to help, and patience and my willingness to get back on board the rocket ship to cyberspace, here I am. I'm hoping we can all stay healthy now. I've got too much to write to be stuck sitting on a computer that won't cooperate.

A few months ago Dustin was refused entry into the Marine Corps because of a tattoo on the back of his neck. The Marine Corps just got rid of their ban on tattoos. Just weeks ago, Dustin was refused entry into the Army due to our inability to stay current on our house payments and because after months on the market we were still unable to sell the house before he was to ship out. We now have an offer on our house. There's that funny timing thing again. The big question everyone keeps asking me is, "Now that your house may sell, will the Army let Dustin in?" Actually, there are quite a few questions that people keep asking, and that we keep asking too. Why has the military door been slammed in Dustin's face again and again... only to be potentially reopened after we've been forced to move on. Why, after months of being on the market, is there an offer on our house after it's "too late"? Why, when we try to do what we think is the right thing, when we try to keep our integrity in tact, when we travel down a path to what we're sure is our destination, we hit another dead end? The fact of the matter is, I don't know. Just when I think I have everything figured out, I am reminded that I have no clue what any of this means.

I started learning to drive when I was 15. Between my parents risking their lives by being in a moving vehicle with me while my foot was the one controlling the gas and brake pedals, and a nice older gentleman with nerves of steel at the Driving School I attended, and my good old friend Raul sneaking me behind the wheel to give me a few impromptu lessons when no one was any the wiser, I managed to receive my Driver's License at the age of 16. In all that time and with all those teachers I wasn't ever taught to parallel park. It just wasn't something anyone thought I'd need to know. It wasn't part of the behind-the-wheel driver's test that the DMV administered, there are parking lots everywhere, and where there aren't lots there are garages. At least that was the consensus in the desert I grew up in.

One late night shortly after I had moved away from my parent's home, living in Torrance miles from a desert attitude and just blocks from a beach attitude, I was attempting to park my car along a curb in a parallel fashion. Try as I might, I just couldn't get close enough to that curb. The gap in my driving education was becoming more and more apparent each time I backed up and pulled forward and backed up and pulled forward again and again and again with the traffic that so plagues Southern California flying by inches from my car. A man came along on his evening jog and stopped to offer his assistance.

I was raised not to talk to strangers, especially when alone late at night, but at that moment, I'm fairly certain I would have allowed a man with his face obscured in a hooded sweatshirt with a Slim-Jim sticking out of his back pocket to get into my vehicle under the pretense of parking the damn thing for me. The man that took time out of his jog to assist me did not get into my vehicle and do the job for me, but instead stood on the sidewalk and guided me step-by-step into a parallel parking spot just inches from the curb. I'm not sure if he stopped to help because he worried more for my safety in all that traffic or the safety of the vehicles in front of and behind my vehicle. Either way he stopped and he helped and I learned.

Now that I am faced with finding a job, by some stroke of luck, the library clerk position has opened up at Avery's school and the school in Kelseyville Proper. I have applied and I will interview and we will all cross our fingers that this works out for me. I am certain that the competition will be stiff. This is a full time position between the two elementary schools in our small town. The person who gets hired will receive medical benefits, will have one of the very few full-time positions for a classified employee and best of all, will get to work around children and books all day! It is going to be hard for me to leave my sweet Taluelah to go to work full-time, but if I got this job, at least I wouldn't hate going to work.

Dustin is still looking for that thing that will pay the bills and that he will not hate getting up for everyday. We're not sure what it is, but there's no time like the present to go out and find it. Avery got his first 4th grade report card and did not make Honor Roll. He was sure that he would and so he's had to take a step back and take stock and see exactly what he needs to change to attain the heights he is all too capable of reaching. He gets in his own way and while Dustin and I can see what needs work, it is for Avery to figure out on his own. He wouldn't listen to us if we told him anyway! Adam is at the Middle School and while he was excited and nervous about it at first he has seemed to settle into the routine of things. We're pretty sure he's having trouble with one of the other 6th grade kids, but he doesn't want to share what's happening, so we're stuck offering support and advice when he's receptive, and chalking the rest up to preteen angst. This too shall pass? Oh my.

Taluelah is growing much too quickly. I do not remember the boys seeming quite so big when they were a year and a half. In fact, according to their baby books, they were not nearly as big as their little sister is at the same age. Everyday she communicates better. Her words are beginning to flow and we've even had a few very short conversations - usually regarding her food. She's still bossy as ever but it's quite difficult to keep from smiling when she decides to scold me for potentially reprimanding her. She will start digging around in my purse, or she will find a pen or marker or pencil to steal, or she will put a Lego in her mouth, or she will do any number of things that require a reminder that she is doing something she should not be, and when she sees that I have caught her in the act, even before I can get a word out of my mouth, she puts up her hand, palm out, says, "Stop!" and then proceeds to put one finger up and say, "One..." For those of you who know and have adhered to the principles of "1,2,3 Magic" she's the poster child for the children's edition... "1,2,3 Magic - How to stop undesirable behavior from your parents." In her efforts to discipline me and every other big person in her life, Taluelah has not yet made it to two, but I know it's coming.

If the bank does accept the offer that has been made on our house, we have until January 10th to find a new place to live. It feels like the new year is still a ways off, but really it's right around the corner. We're hoping that given our credit history we will be able to find a rental. My realtor has assured me that we are not the only people who have gotten into trouble financially and there are homeowners who will rent to people in our situation. I certainly hope she is correct. There are many many rentals and empty homes in our area. We just have to find the one that is right for us, and do so quickly.

In this conundrum that Dustin and I are faced with, we don't know which way to go. Sometimes it feels like we've exhausted all of the resources we have within ourselves. We're pretty smart, he and I. But, we don't always have all the answers and we don't always make the best choices. This is one of those times when the late night joggers who wear their halos under hats and hide their wings under sweat drenched shirts come out to show the way. They hold open doors that we didn't know existed and light the darkest of days with the glow of their love. But we know, me and the man I married, that no matter what doors we've been led to, we're the ones who have to walk through and hope to find our way in the madness of this world.