All Things For A Reason

My life over the last several months has been like riding a roller-coaster, in the dark, with a dying flashlight. Life. I'm not sure how or why the twists and turns of fate have led where they have, but I find myself right where I am meant to be. What we thought was going to be, is not. What we hoped would be, will not. What we had no idea of, is. I've often heard the saying "All things happen for a reason," but I've filed it right next to "God will never lead you to, what He cannot lead you through." In tough times, it's pretty darn hard to see the light through the impenetrable fog... and the tunnel seems to lead to dead end after dead end. I do believe that this life is not for me to have all figured out, though I can't help but try!

I interviewed against two others for the Library Clerk position at the Elementary Schools last week on Wednesday afternoon. I found out I had the job later that same day! I started just yesterday, in order to receive a certain amount of training before the woman who is currently in the position moves on to the Middle School and High School library. I am a full-time employee in a district where "full-time" and "classified" are like oil and water. There is no money, and so, I will work full-time as a part-time library clerk between two elementary schools. The Primary School has double the student population and so has more need. I will work there 3 days out of the week. Riviera, where my heart lies, and my son is in fourth grade, will get me 2 days out of the week.

My first two days have been full of learning, hands-on, how to check books in, check books out, add books to the system, remove books from the system, add students to the system, remove students from the system, assess fines, repair books, locate missing books (if they can be located), shelve books, how to quell a small riot over bookmarks, how to smile at 400+ children and their teachers and commit as many of their names to memory as possible... all of this, and I haven't even made it to my second school yet. The current librarian wasn't kidding when she said I'd get a lot of practice, and there would be a lot of repetition, in this first week. Overall, that is what the job is, repetition!

Doing the same thing again and again may make some cringe, but for me, there is comfort in the familiar. I find satisfaction in seeing the books come in, find their way back to the shelves, and go right back out. It means the books are being used the way they are supposed to be. They are being read!! Not all of the kids who enter the library are excited to be there. Not all of the kids want to read. But, when you can find that thing they love, or even like, in a book... it's a match made in book-lover's heaven. I really hope my love of books and reading rubs off on the students who enter my libraries. I love saying that... my libraries!!!

Leaving Taluelah has been made much easier for me than I thought it would be thanks to the help of wonderful friends. It's only been two days, and in the few moments I have to think of anything other than books and what I'm supposed to be learning and retaining, I miss my girl. There is so little down time though that the moments to dwell are few and far in between. It is great, at the end of my day, to walk through a door and see my sweet Lue's smiling face and get her big hugs and kisses. Our time at night seems much more valuable these days. And it's doubtful she'll be leaving our bed anytime soon, cuddle time is a necessary luxury after being away from each other all day.

The boys have stepped up to the proverbial plate and are helping with dinner dishes and other household chores. There is no argument in the morning, even though it is a much earlier wake-up call. They see a need, and a tired momma, and are doing what they can to lighten the load. Days like these I feel like I've done something right in the job of parenting. As the days turn into weeks, and weeks into months, I am sure a routine will establish itself and we will all fall into it accordingly.

We are still in the search for a new place to live. It seems the sale of our house will go through, and we will close January 12th as scheduled. We now have less than a month to figure something out. Unfortunately, the homes we have heard of that are owned by someone we know, or that are owned by a friend of a friend, are not big enough to accommodate us. We need a 3 bedroom. There is no point in renting another 2 bedroom house. We're bursting at the seams here. The idea of working full-time with Dustin gone all week, packing an entire house during the holidays, and trying to locate a new place to live is exhausting. I'm not sure where to begin, and so I go round and round in circles hoping something will happen that will stop the spin.

Finding the time to write has become harder. It is not something I am willing to give up though. I will just have to work harder at fitting it into my schedule. The time I have in the evenings at home during the week is reserved for my kiddos. The time I have on the weekend, when Dustin is home, is reserved for family. It worked for me to take the time to write tonight, because Taluelah has already fallen asleep. Waking up at 6:30am has completely thrown her schedule off. Bedtime comes much earlier these days, for both her and I. The boys are watching a movie and so I escaped for a few moments of "me" time. It is time to go back out to them now though, so I can fit in a few more minutes of togetherness before they head off to bed.

Six months ago, if I had projected where I would be right now, and what I would be doing, it would not have included working in the elementary school libraries. It would not have included having to leave my 20 month old daughter to go to work. It would not have included even being here in Kelseyville. We thought our lives were headed in a much different direction. For our darkest days there have been pinpricks of light. If you get enough pinpricks in a page, eventually the light will shine through. Even though the rug was pulled out from under us, it seems the flooring underneath is better than what we were standing on before. For that, my many wonderful friends, and this amazing community, I am truly and inexplicably grateful. Cheers!