Life and Turmoil

I find plenty of inspiration to write these days, just not enough time to do so. I miss my time here, pouring out the thoughts that cram my brain and swirl in the abyss that is memory. I keep telling myself I will make time. I will pick a day and stick to it. And I will. Just don't know how or when...

Football is in its last week. Adam did a lot of standing again this year, though with some good playing time mixed in. It was his third year playing, but his first on Varsity. He is quite small and can be outweighed by about 70 pounds by the biggest kids. At the end he is once again torn about whether he'll play football next year. He enjoys the team camaraderie, but does not care for his size disadvantage. He did have a very good coach, which is more than I can say for previous years. Not that the others were so terrible, but more that everyone has a different style and a different attitude and a different motivation to do what they're doing. This coaches motivation suited us better.

Avery is finishing his first year playing football on the Junior Varsity team and like his brother is majorly outweighed, at the most by about 60 pounds. Though unlike his brother he has a certain zeal, an aggressive nature, that is required to go up against a kid twice your size, get smashed into the ground and jump back up to do it again. He didn't do a whole lot of standing around. He started on Defense and played second Offense. I had hoped being bashed by kids who hit like steamrollers might knock some of the attitude out of Avery. I think it's had the opposite affect. He too rides the fence on whether he'll play football again next year. I'll be surprised if he chooses not to.

Taluelah was sworn off of cheerleading by her father at the beginning of the season. I'm sure Dustin is going to mark this as the first battle he lost with his daughter. I know it won't be the last. With her handed down pom-poms, 2 year old attitude and all the cuteness she can muster, the girl is a natural. She has her High-V down pat and is working on her kicks, usually when her brothers are in her way. The cheerleaders, in fun, have tried to teach her some of the cheers and her BFF is a cheer coaches daughter. There is no hope. Expect to see pictures of my girl stunting in about 10 years. I am slightly bothered that I even know the lingo that accompanies cheerleaders and their sport, but what's a mom to do but be the loudest cheerleader out there?

The school Superintendent, faced with a looming million dollar plus deficit, put together the District Reconfiguration Committee to look over our district's various money saving options. Our primary focus was on what kind of savings we're looking at if we close down a school site. We met at least twice monthly over the course of about three months. My work on the committee is finally done. While I don't feel like I had a lot of fact to contribute I did have a lot of opinion and a base knowledge of the community's feelings. The committee submitted our report to the Board of Trustees at an open board meeting on November 9th. Most members of the board allowed that they have no intention of closing our small community school, Riviera Elementary. Though, two board members did state that at some point we are going to have to look at the figures submitted by the committee and if the budget does not improve and in fact continues on its downward spiral something will have to be done. That "something" still sits uneasy in my heart as trickling down to Riviera and affecting a community with a lot of heart and soul poured into it's school. But for now, we cheer and hold on to the hope that California can't stay in such economic decline forever. Right?

Work has been busy and full of change this year. I'm a fan of change. I get bored when things stay the same for too long. I also understand how very necessary change is at times. I have run head first into those who are my polar opposite and it's not too comfortable. The changes actually affect the students in a positive manner, but blinders are on and comfort zones are stretched and I have a headache at the end of my days trying to keep everyone happy. I cannot possibly explain my stance, or the stance of the principal any other way. I've tried. I worry that work relations will be strained with teachers whom I've always gotten along with quite well. But really, when we got on quite well, I was working for them, doing as they said. Not working along side them, with my own rules and my own boundaries. Being split between two schools takes its toll. I feel it, others split like I am feel it. Teachers who can see outside their own box know it. There are still those who can't see beyond how a decision affects them and I receive the brunt of their vehemence. It comes in the form of belittling pronunciations. In exclamations such as, "Who gave you the power!?!" and "There are too many rules!" To the former my only response can be, "The panel who hired me gave me the power. Duh." But I do not say that out loud, because really these changes that are so opposed by some did not come from me. I guess I'm just the easiest target.

There has been much in the news regarding bullying and its affect on our children. I wonder if certain adults who spend so much energy on making sure our students are taught to be kind and just and caring and respectful pay any attention to their own behaviors and how they are perceived by others. Hypocrites are low on my list of people I claim as friends. It's a bit shocking when suddenly you are faced with the downside of someones character, when all the force of their negativity is directed at you. I'm disappointed and saddened and a bit disillusioned, but I will continue doing my job to the best of my ability. I love the kids and enjoy encouraging their love of reading. That's what it boils down to. And as a good friend said, "You have to be happy with yourself when you lay your head down on your pillow at the end of your day." I tend to be.

I am seeing just how thinly stretched some people have become. It's hard not to notice all around. Our school teachers are overloaded, our principals and other school employees are shared, our parents are overworked, there is not enough money to keep a roof overhead, forget about enough money to be comfortable. Kids arrive home to an empty house. People are tuning out. Kids don't know how to engage. Black clouds follow like shadows. These are tough times. I don't know when relief will come. I just hope to keep on smiling through all the doom and gloom and to try not to take things personally, even when they've been made so.